What Am I To You?
by writeinspiredraw
Summary: Angsty oneshot, without a specific timeline, though mostly set about three years into their partnership. What is Brennan really thinking around Booth and his new girlfriend? AU, obviously, but I just had to write this. Inspiration struck. As always, let me know what you think.


**(A/N): Okay, so this is a oneshot, and warning now, it's a sad one. No specific time frame for it, but I hope you read it and like it anyway. Unrequited love, at least in this. The title and the fic itself is based off a song called Lonely Neighbor by Oh Honey, though it's not a song fic, I don't think. For anyone reading my other fics, I'm currently working on the next chapters of Heaven Can Wait and Take Two, so please stay tuned for those. Also, if enough people want it, I'm not opposed to doing a happier sequel to this either, as it made even me very sad to write it. Sometimes though, you just get hit with inspiration and have to write it. So, yeah, please tell me your thoughts on this. As always, I love you all, and I don't own Bones.**

 **What Am I To You?**

"Bones, what're you doing here?"

Temperance Brennan shrugged half-heartedly. She honestly had no idea why she was stood at her partner's door at nearly ten at night, just that she was. Her dad had told her that he was moving in with Russ for a few months at the very least, down in Florida, and she had walked out on him. Hadn't spoken a word to him, just walked away and climbed into her car. She'd begun driving, unsure where she was going until she found herself parked up outside her partner's building. She knew she shouldn't be there. Hell, she didn't want to be there. Not recently, anyway. Seeley Booth had gotten himself a girlfriend. Tall, leggy, blonde, a lawyer. She'd always known he had a type, although he had seemed to deviate from that type with Cam, but oh no, the type was definitely back. Her name was Lauren, and Booth spent pretty much all his free time with her. Gone were after case drinks, takeout over paperwork, him dragging her to see a movie or to one of parker's games. All gone. And every time she saw Booth and Lauren together, she was hit in the face with everything she couldn't have. Him.

"Never… never mind. I shouldn't be here. I'm sorry. I'll just go." She span around to go, her eyes catching on the neighbour's door, so similar to her partner's. Briefly, she wondered what would've happened if she would have been his neighbour. Would they be as close? Would he finally see her as something more than his best friend? She could've asked for some sugar or something, sparked a casual friendship. She quickly shook off the train of thought. No, she would never give up what they had, not even wishing for something more. What they did was far too important for any silly daydreams she had about the two of them. She span back round to face her partner, only just becoming aware of Booth's hand circling her bicep and the concerned look in his deep brown eyes. Eyes she could (and often did) get lost in.

"Bones, no. Listen, let me get you a cup of coffee at least, alright? You don't have to say anything you don't want to, just… give me the peace of mind that you're okay."

She thought about it for a moment, which wouldn't be enough for some people, but was enough for her brain to think over every possibility and probability of the invitation. "Where… Where's Lauren? Wouldn't you rather spend your time with her?"

"She's prepping for some big case right now. Working a lot of late nights. Come in Bones, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

 _Because you run off to spend time with_ _ **her**_ _all the time_ , her mind helpfully pointed out as Booth managed to guide her over the threshold and into his apartment, where his radio was playing quietly in the kitchen. Thankfully, her mouth didn't immediately voice her thoughts as it usually did, a fact she was a little grateful for. She didn't want him to know how much it affected her. A glance at the sink told her that it was on because he'd been washing the pots from his dinner. The lack of children's utensils and cups informed her that Parker wasn't with him that night.

She leant quietly against the counter as Booth poured her a cup of coffee, automatically made just how she liked it. After three years of partnership, those kinds of things came naturally to them. "My dad, he's moving to Florida, to be with my brother. I just, I needed to say it out loud, I think. Make it sound real. It's irrational, I know." She shook her head slightly at herself, taking the ceramic mug from him and sipping the warm beverage as a new song came on the radio, a light melody from a piano intermingling with the strum of guitar strings. She tilted her head slightly to listen, finding herself agreeing that it was quite pleasing to listen to. Without really thinking about it, she set down her cup and took Booth's hand. "Dance with me?" She asked quietly, standing still in the middle of his kitchen. It was up to him. She wouldn't make him do anything he didn't want to. She noted that her partner looked a little surprised at her request, but he immediately set down his own cup and drew her into a light embrace as the pair swayed slowly around his kitchen to the song, lost in the moment, in each other's arms. The whole world disappeared, just leaving the two of them, alone but for the music.

The song ended, bringing them out of their daze. Reddening, Brennan immediately made for the door. She shouldn't be there. Booth didn't need her. He had Lauren. It was never her. "I'm sorry. I should go." She was out of the door and down the hall before she dared to pause and glance back. It didn't hit her until she realised that he hadn't come after her. The pain shot into her chest and she bit back the tears threatening to overwhelm her, turning and practically running down the stairs back to her car. She would deal with it, she vowed silently. It wasn't really Booth's fault that he didn't see her the same way she saw him. She wouldn't let him feel guilty for it. She would hide it until she could make it go away. How hard was it to fall out of love with somebody anyway?

…

Very hard, she soon found out. Every time she saw Booth, her heart practically leapt in her ribcage, a most uncomfortable feeling, she decided. Unfortunately, it was worse every time she saw him with Lauren. Then she'd get a stabbing pain that made her want to simultaneously cry and throw up, making her turn away from them more often than not. She tried, she really did. She knew deep down that Lauren would never love Booth as much as she did, but she kept that to herself. It wasn't her place. Booth had told her many times to stop butting in on his personal relationships, and he seemed so happy with the lawyer, that she couldn't bring herself to ruin that happiness. She would make herself unhappy forever, as long as it meant that he was happy.

She knew he screened her calls sometimes, mainly when he was out on dates, or, she figured, having sex, and it did bother her, not that she'd ever tell a soul. Instead, she simply hung up after the third time her call was sent to voicemail and decided that she would wait for him to deign to call her back. It took twelve hours for him to do so, and as soon as she answered, she knew that he wasn't calling her back to ask her about what she'd originally called him about, which was the case. No, he needed them to meet, at the Lincoln memorial, next to the reflecting pool, which had become their place, when they needed more privacy than the diner afforded them.

Ignoring her better judgement, which screamed at her not to go, not to hurt herself more by giving in to what he wanted, she put her boots back on and grabbed a coat and scarf, glancing at the clock hanging next to one of her bookshelves. Just past nine in the evening. She had time to meet him and still work on her book that evening, something she really needed to do to keep her publisher off her back. It was November, pretty cold out, so she needed the scarf wrapped pretty tightly to keep the cold, brisk wind away. She couldn't remember where she'd left her gloves, but she figured she could simply leave her hands in her pockets to stay warm.

She drove to the parking lot closest to the memorial and got out of the warm car, shivering a little as the icy wind hit her form. Climbing up the steps of the memorial, she found Booth sat near the top of the steps, hands in his pockets staring at the reflective pool, though she doubted he was actually seeing the body of water. Slowly, she sat down beside him, her own hands in her pockets. She didn't know why he'd called her, as all he'd really said was where to meet him and that he needed her before hanging up. She'd do it again and again, she realised. She would be whatever he needed for as long as he needed her. But what was she to him?

"Booth, are you okay?"

"I will be." He managed eventually. Brennan looked at his face closely before recalling something that Angela had told her once about sometimes, words not being needed to be shared to have clarity, that sometimes just being there, together, was enough. So, she slipped her arm through one of Booth's, replacing her hand into her pocket and resting her head on his shoulder.

"It's okay, Booth. We don't need to talk."

 _What am I to you?_

…

She sat in the diner alone, watching them through the window. A mug of coffee sat comfortably between her hands as she watched them talk together, barely an inch apart. She watched silently as the lawyer clearly said something funny, leaning up to rub her nose against Booth's in an Eskimo kiss. She felt sick, but also at peace. She could wait. Wait for him to see her. Even if it took him forever to see her, really see her. Though, she decided sullenly, if he never did see her that way, then she hoped she was gone before he made a permanent commitment to someone. The casual relationships she could live with, but she didn't think she could live with watching him move in with someone else, marry them, have a family with them. No, she couldn't. But she could try.

Standing, she left a couple of bills on the table top to pay for her untouched coffee before exiting the diner. She walked briskly down the street, head down and hand stuffed deep into her coat pockets. However, just before she turned the corner, she glanced back in time to find Booth's eyes watching her over Lauren's shoulder. She smiled a sad smile at him before she disappeared from his line of sight. She had to walk away sometimes, for her own sake. What else was she supposed to do?

 **The End.**


End file.
